by Shitbird Smith
This bird was on the scene when a seemingly out-of-control bicycle sped
toward a known human female in the driveway. I courageously put myself between the woman and seemingly sure impending doom - although the bicycle screeched to a halt, having allegedly been perfectly under control the whole time, and absolutely no one was harmed, thanks to my quick thinking and bravery.
Mitigation efforts were needed at The Treehouse Community Center over the weekend when Terry - a goat of the LaMancha family - exercised her free will to cross the yard. She was intercepted on her way to the porch by a freeloading beagle who stopped and frisked her without the proper authorization to do so.
While it was ultimately determined that Terry did not have clearance to lounge on the porch without a Porch Pass, the beagle was issued a warning for using aggressive tactics - and for failure to identify himself as an officer…or say where he came from.
The beagle has entered a voluntary rehabilitation program which will provide food and shelter on the condition of good behavior.
Terry was returned to her residence without citation, due to being known to local authorities and already being on Punch-Card Parole, stemming from previous charges.
